Agent Files

AGENT CODENAME: Adrenaline- 006.9
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted while bandaging Cyclist in Central Park)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject descended upon injured cyclist on October 31st like a medical swan, applying bandages with such seductive precision the victim forgot he was bleeding. Team noted her ability to make tetanus shots look like foreplay and turn medical emergencies into impromptu dance performances.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Ballet training provides balance for tiptoeing around sleeping patients. Can seduce targets while checking for concussions. Makes snapping latex gloves look like burlesque performance art.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Exceptional stress tolerance from surviving Code Browns and doctors who think scrubs are suggestion boxes. Dangerous confidence levels make bedpan changes look like sensual modern art. Recruitment response: "Finally, a job where patients won't rate my bedside manner on Yelp."

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EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Prefers a stethoscope for dramatic twirls, IV stands as emergency dance poles, and latex gloves for perfectly timed snaps. Bandage rolls double as juggling props, and the defibrillator is both a lifesaver and bass drop.

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TRAINING PROGRESS: Current progress demonstrates a natural flair for mission choreography, with CPR drills executed at such a pace that training mannequins have filed workplace complaints. She completed Seduction Under Sterile Conditions with distinction, leaving sterilization wipes reclassified as controlled substances. Stealth remains a work in progress due to her tendency to pirouette through restricted corridors, and Advanced Field Medicine was briefly suspended after she diagnosed a sprain as “a broken heart.”

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ASSESSMENT NOTES: Makes CPR look like intimate choreography. Successfully extracted classified documents while performing mouth-to-mouth on an unconscious target. Warning: May cause cardiac events in male operatives.

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deep cover at medical facilities worldwide. Cover story remains authentic.

AGENT CODENAME: Marinara- 003
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-supreme delivery)​

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was identified during routine surveillance of "Dude, Where's My Pizza" on Halloween when two frat guys made it rain with her tip money like discount strip club patrons. She methodically retrieved every crumpled bill with the patience of a saint and the death stare of an assassin. Witnessing scout agents immediately handed her a license, after which she proceeded to devour their leftover pepperoni pizza in what can only be described as aggressively sensual food choreography.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Advanced interpretive dance training proves invaluable for silent infiltration. Can seduce targets with hypnotic hip movements while simultaneously calculating pizza delivery trajectories.

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PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Exceptional stress tolerance from surviving countless hangry customers. Natural adaptability and street smarts developed while navigating sketchy apartment complexes.

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EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Standard-issue thermal delivery bag doubles as concealed weapons cache. Prefers running shoes for silent infiltration and quick getaways through apartment complexes. Pizza cutter serves dual purpose as a throwing weapon and seduction prop.

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TRAINING PROGRESS: Currently excelling in Advanced Seduction Techniques and Tactical Food Choreography modules. Repeatedly fails Basic Stealth due to inability to resist jazz hands during infiltration exercises. Instructors report she once turned a simple door entry into a full Broadway number, somehow seducing the enemy target, disarming three guards, and retrieving classified documents - all while humming "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."

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ASSESSMENT NOTES: Training simulations show exceptional promise. During mock infiltration exercises, successfully seduced three instructors using only interpretive dance and strategic mozzarella stick placement. Evaluators note her natural ability to make surveillance look like casual pizza delivery routes.

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PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deep cover placement at various pizzerias worldwide pending final assessment. Cover story remains ironically authentic.

AGENT CODENAME: Domestica- 006
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted while dodging flying Cheerios)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was identified on October 31st during routine surveillance while stress-assembling an avocado sandwich as two toddlers hurled cereal projectiles throughout the kitchen. When chaos peaked, she spontaneously broke into wild, sexy dance moves that somehow made the disaster zone look provocatively theatrical. Team noted her ability to channel maternal overwhelm into unhinged yet seductive choreography and her talent for making complete breakdowns look irresistibly hot.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Natural dance ability transforms chaos into provocative choreography, turning toddler meltdowns into unhinged sexy performances. Can seduce targets while simultaneously wiping noses and having complete mental breakdowns. Makes stress-spiraling look effortlessly seductive, including the way she gyrates around scattered Cheerios during domestic disasters.

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EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Favors sippy cups as distraction grenades and Cheerios as improvised caltrops during evasive maneuvers. Relies on baby wipes for both target cleanup and rapid identity scrubbing, with avocado toast reserved for morale boosts.

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TRAINING PROGRESS: Subject has excelled in infiltration scenarios, often slipping undetected into suburban playdates and reemerging with both intel and juice boxes. During simulation exercises, she successfully neutralized a tantrum while maintaining a flawless body roll, earning commendation for “clandestine seduction under domestic fire.” Ongoing training in stealth laundry operations reveals she can fold reconnaissance briefs at double speed without losing hip rotation tempo. Current obstacle: keeping her cover intact during PTA missions, where her tendency to turn budget meetings into sultry dance-offs risks exposing the network.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Exceptional stress tolerance from surviving sleep deprivation and grocery store meltdowns. Dangerous confidence levels developed from handling explosive diaper situations. Natural interrogation skills honed by extracting the truth about who ate the last cookie. Recruitment response: "Does this come with actual adult conversation and bathroom breaks?"

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deep cover in suburban neighborhoods worldwide. Cover story remains ironically authentic.

AGENT CODENAME: Radar- 002
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Senior Field Scout (Active Recruitment Division)

BACKGROUND: Veteran agent with an uncanny ability to spot untapped seductive potential in the most unlikely circumstances. Developed a legendary reputation for recognizing raw talent during everyday disasters, specializing in identifying subjects who maintain supernatural composure while the universe tests their patience through rude customers, medical emergencies, and tiny humans with questionable life choices.

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SPECIAL SKILLS: Master-level dance ability allows instant assessment of movement quality and natural rhythm. Can blend seamlessly into any environment while conducting surveillance, from hospital waiting rooms to pizza shop parking lots. Demonstrates exceptional talent for approaching frazzled prospects without triggering additional panic attacks or restraining orders.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Predatory instincts finely tuned for detecting hidden sensuality beneath suburban chaos. Natural eye for spotting diamonds in the rough, particularly when those diamonds are gyrating around scattered breakfast cereal. Possesses supernatural patience for waiting through complete meltdowns to witness breakthrough dance moments. Assessment note: "She can smell desperation and find it incredibly attractive."

 

CURRENT MISSION: Currently deployed on Operation Untapped Rhythm, a comprehensive talent acquisition campaign spanning major metropolitan areas across six continents, with primary focus on identifying individuals who demonstrate exceptional grace under pressure in high-stress environments. Intelligence reports indicate she has successfully identified seventeen potential recruits in the past quarter, with a 94% conversion rate from initial contact to full organizational integration through her specialized surveillance of grocery stores, airport security lines, and parent-teacher conferences where subjects reveal their true character. Current deployment status shows her embedded in a suburban neighborhood, where she's reportedly "mesmerized by a woman who turned a toddler tantrum into what appeared to be interpretive dance while maintaining perfect composure in her own home."

 

CLEARANCE LEVEL: Top Predator

AGENT CODENAME: Magnet- 001
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Senior Field Scout (Active Recruitment Division)

 

BACKGROUND: Elite reconnaissance specialist with supernatural ability to appear at the exact moment civilians reach peak seductive breakdown potential. Expert at reading subtle cues and predicting when chaos will produce maximum allure. Has perfected the art of materializing from shadows just as targets transition from stressed-out disasters to accidentally provocative performers.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Expert-level dance assessment capabilities combined with ninja-like stealth approach techniques. Can evaluate hip movement quality while remaining completely invisible until the optimal recruitment moment. Demonstrates masterful ability to deliver license presentations without interrupting the natural flow of spontaneous choreography or causing additional psychological trauma.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Predatory patience paired with surgical precision timing. Natural instinct for detecting when ordinary women are about to explode into accidental sex appeal. Thrives on the thrill of perfect recruitment timing and has never missed a breakthrough dance moment. Assessment note: "She treats talent acquisition like hunting endangered sexy unicorns."

 

CURRENT MISSION: Deployed to monitor civilian environments for individuals exhibiting exceptional kinetic adaptability under stress. Targets are evaluated on their ability to convert unpredictable circumstances into controlled, fluid movement. Recruitment is based on the capacity to maintain composure and charisma while navigating chaotic situations. Only those demonstrating consistent mastery of spontaneous, high-impact motion are cleared for induction into the Federal Bureau of Immoderation.

 

CLEARANCE LEVEL: Apex Predator

TARGET CODENAME: Cyber Amadeus- 00X
REAL NAME: [CLASSIFIED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit

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BACKGROUND: Subject was discovered at an unmarked desert gathering, piloting a stainless steel sculpture across the completely barren landscape at sunset. Scouts reported his fingers dancing across invisible keys while steering, producing phantom melodies that caused the air itself to shimmer with harmonic resonance. Upon receiving his License, he transformed into a Cyber-Classical Maestro—chrome-plated knuckles gleaming, LED bow tie pulsating in C Major, processors humming Baroque fugues beneath his velvet waistcoat, his powdered wig now fiber-optically enhanced and glowing with each musical phrase. His first act was to play Beethoven's 5th on the sculpture's surface, converting it into a massive MIDI controller. Recruitment was inevitable.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Combines 18th-century compositional mastery with algorithmic improvisation. Equipped with retractable finger-mounted synthesizers that double as sonic disruptors. Able to process and execute multiple musical genres—or tactical frequencies—simultaneously. Generates devastating bass drops from an internal subwoofer system that can shatter wine glasses, morale, and enemy encryption protocols. Can "hear" radio signals and translate them into harpsichord arrangements.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Holographic sheet music that doubles as tactical schematics. Fiber-optic powdered wig contains emergency smoke machine and confetti cannon. Ornate cufflinks actually high-capacity USB drives loaded with every musical composition ever written, plus three that haven't been written yet. Always carries a chromatic tuner that functions as a lie detector (lies register as "out of tune").

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Exhibits flawless tempo control; can maintain 240 BPM indefinitely without perspiration. Occasional firmware glitch causes him to involuntarily narrate his actions in opera format mid-mission. During last simulation, defeated training bot while simultaneously composing a 12-minute techno-minuet titled "Assault in D Minor."

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Formal, dramatically precise, and inexplicably persuasive. Believes all conflict can be resolved through the perfect key change. Insists on bowing after completing objectives. Recruitment response: "Behold... the allegro of annihilation." Has since requested all mission briefings be delivered in sonata form.

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to embassy infiltrations, warehouse raves requiring "vibe management," and missions where psychological warfare through unexpected genre fusion is paramount. Secondary use: composing ridiculously dramatic entrance music for other agents. Tertiary use: DJ at agency holiday parties (mandatory attendance).

AGENT CODENAME: Germinator G-1000- 001000
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit 

 

BACKGROUND: The subject was discovered during a street party when he abruptly entered terminator mode mid-DJ set. His arm unfolded into a precision crossfader, servos engaged, and he used machine-perfect beats to stabilize a failing grid, reroute surges, and disperse a panicked crowd without harm. Scouts moved in after witnessing the seamless fusion of music, machinery, and control, leading to immediate recruitment.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: The subject combines human improvisation with terminator precision, mixing at zero latency and using rhythm to rewire failing systems. He can pacify or coordinate crowds with subsonic modulation, while modular cybernetic tools double as audio gear and tactical instruments.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: He favors a hybrid turntable compatible with his cyber-arm, a foldout light rig that serves as both stage and antenna, and EMP-shielded headphones. His attire, an urban coat with magnetic panels, allows rapid gear swaps.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Machine timing is flawless in terminator state, while human-mode creativity is improving. Current challenge is resisting encore tendencies—he defaults to finishing a set unless ordered to stop, requiring an “end-set” override in the field.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Warm and responsive as a human, efficient and relentless in terminator mode. Shows empathy by adapting mixes to calm civilians, though often obsessive about perfection. Recruitment response: “Is the playlist cleared for missions or just for parties?”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Best deployed in blackout zones, contested broadcast sites, or chaotic environments where music-driven diversion and electrical stabilization are critical. Secondary uses include morale-boosting sets and sonic reconnaissance. Commanders must carry an override key to prevent extended encores.

AGENT CODENAME: Chad- 00FB

REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-fraternity event)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was identified at [Redacted] Fraternity House during Halloween festivities. Scouts observed him mid–beer pong match, shouting motivational chants while shotgunning a beverage “for morale.” Upon License issuance, subject immediately abandoned his solo cup, donned a full inflatable T-Rex costume, and dropped into an aggressive breakdance routine. Witnesses described the transformation as “prehistoric precision” and “the first time anyone saw a dinosaur moonwalk.” Recruitment was instant.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Natural performer with high tolerance for chaos (and hops). Exceptional crowd control via humor and spectacle. Demonstrates uncanny balance while tail-spinning in inflated dinosaur form. Can motivate entire groups with ritualistic chants of “one more round!”

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Inflatable T-Rex suit for both intimidation and dance versatility. Solo cups repurposed as projectile distractions. Folding table favored for dramatic flips and finales.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Excels in improvised rhythm under intoxicated conditions. Shows surprising agility despite costume bulk. Current struggle: remembering mission objectives once music intensifies.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Outgoing, fearless, thrives in high-energy environments. Recruitment response: “Do I get dino dental with this?”

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to party-heavy zones requiring morale boosts, chaos management, and prehistoric intimidation. Secondary use: breakdance diversions.

AGENT CODENAME: Mercury- 009

REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-gym session)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was observed at [Redacted] Fitness Center on Halloween night. Surveillance shows him casually bench-pressing twice his body weight, then flawlessly transitioning into a one-armed overhead press while chugging a protein shake. When scouts approached and issued his License, subject slammed the weights down, raised his arms, and transformed into a Celtic god adorned in glowing tattoos, bronze torcs, and an aura of thunder. Immediately after, he began a ritualistic weight-dance, spinning dumbbells with impossible grace. Fellow gym patrons fled, except one who asked for a spot. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Channels ancient Celtic power into ritual combat and battlefield dominance. Can conjure storms, summon spectral warriors, and amplify morale with booming chants. Retains mortal familiarity with lifting, using it as ritual movement to focus divine energy.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Wields enchanted dumbbells as ritual symbols, though true weapons manifest as ancestral spears and thunder-forged shields. Uses chalk dust as mist for dramatic entrances.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Embraces divine form easily but struggles with restraining raw storm energy in confined spaces. Occasionally reverts to gym habits, demanding a “spot” before unleashing lightning strikes.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Majestic, commanding, and steeped in mythic pride. Responds best when treated as a figure of reverence. Recruitment response: “The gods of oak and storm rise again—where do you require me?”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to theaters of chaos where divine spectacle, stormcraft, and mythic intimidation are required. Secondary uses: morale enhancement through ritual performance.

TARGET CODENAME: Mummy Shake
REAL NAME: [CLASSIFIED]
TARGET STATUS: Accidentally Acquired (Halloween Incident)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject crashed his bike on Halloween and was bandaged by agent prospect "Adrenaline" until he resembled a mummy. Both discovered they could make ancient Egyptian burial rituals look like foreplay. Surveillance revealed subject possesses classified information regarding underground dance networks, making him a high-priority target.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Exceptional balance recovery from years of cycling accidents and questionable life choices. Natural rhythm discovered while being wrapped like an Egyptian burrito with daddy issues. Vulnerable to medical attention and tends to overshare classified information when receiving bandages. Can perform complex dance moves while completely mummified without losing a single strip - defying both physics and public decency laws.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Surprisingly calm under pressure - remained charming and flirtatious even while bleeding like a leaky faucet. Shows remarkable adaptability by immediately embracing his accidental mummy transformation and using it as the world's most elaborate pickup line. Target response to attention: "I've never felt so alive while being wrapped for death."

 

ASSESSMENT NOTES: Dancing skills activated during medical treatment and possibly mild concussion. Both subjects turned a medical emergency into what can only be described as "Dirty Dancing: Bandage Edition." Target demonstrates complete inability to maintain operational security when distracted by attractive medical personnel - perfect vulnerability for intelligence extraction. May have been waiting his whole life to be an undead heartthrob.

 

TARGET OBJECTIVE: Intelligence extraction through seduction and mummy unwrapping techniques.

AGENT CODENAME: HexaGroove- 00666
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-potion mishap)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was identified during routine surveillance when an experimental potion spontaneously erupted, covering half the clearing in glowing green smoke and sending enchanted frogs bouncing in every direction. Rather than panic, she instinctively broke into an elaborate dance around the cauldron, weaving precise spins and jumps that redirected flying ingredients back into the pot. Scouts observed her improvisation neutralize what could have been a catastrophic magical explosion, all while keeping rhythm and style. The entire event concluded with the cauldron perfectly intact, the frogs unharmed, and the subject striking a triumphant final pose—prompting immediate recruitment.

 

​SPECIAL SKILLS: Can twirl and dance around a cauldron while casting spells with perfect precision. Turns magical misfires—sparkles, smoke, and bouncing ingredients—into controlled, stylish displays. Able to improvise dramatic, eye-catching movements under chaotic conditions, keeping both herself and the potion intact.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Favors cauldrons as both magical focus and dance prop. Uses enchanted brooms for dramatic spins and quick getaways. Potion vials double as smoke bombs or glittery stage effects.

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TRAINING PROGRESS: Excels at improvising sultry dances under chaotic magical conditions. Has mastered redirecting rogue sparks, bouncing frogs, and exploding glitter with flawless style. Current challenge: resisting the urge to add a dramatic hair flip to every spell.

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Thrives in magical chaos, turning potential disasters into impressive, attention-grabbing performances. Highly responsive to dramatic visuals, music, or applause, which she instinctively incorporates into her choreography. Calm under pressure yet mischievously inventive, able to improvise solutions mid-spell without breaking rhythm. Recruitment response: “Do I get to keep the cauldron if I join?”

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PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to high-chaos environments to neutralize magical mishaps and contain unpredictable situations with dance-infused spellwork. Provide theatrical distraction or crowd control when conventional methods fail. Secondary objectives include morale-boosting performances, controlled spectacle, and improvisational magical problem-solving.

AGENT CODENAME: Pestilence- 0016:41

REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-patient consultation)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was observed at [Redacted] Hospital during a routine check-up. Scouts noted unusual behavior: carrying pouches of herbs, insisting patients sniff lavender “for balance,” and scribbling notes with a quill instead of standard pens. When issued his License, subject’s modern attire shifted into a full plague doctor uniform—black cloak, beaked mask, and leather gloves. He immediately began reorganizing the exam room into a quarantine zone, directing patients with calm authority. Witnesses described the transformation as “terrifyingly professional” and “weirdly reassuring.” Recruitment followed without delay.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Exceptional knowledge of both modern medicine and archaic plague-era remedies. Adept at mixing herbal poultices, fumigating enclosed spaces, and diagnosing “bad air” with surprising accuracy. Maintains eerie bedside manner that inspires both fear and compliance.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Classic beak mask stuffed with aromatic herbs. Cane used for examinations, crowd control, and occasional dramatic pointing. Carries satchel with dried flowers, pungent spices, and antiseptic wipes.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Adapts quickly; excels at improvising containment protocols. Struggles with electronic medical records (“prefers parchment”). Has suggested reintroducing leeches “just to keep options open.”

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Calm, clinical, and slightly ominous. Responds well to authority but insists on dim candlelight during consultations. Recruitment response: “At last, my mask has purpose.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to areas requiring strict quarantine, morale through intimidation, and plague-themed expertise. Ideal for unsettling adversaries while ensuring thorough contamination control.

AGENT CODENAME: Midnight Reed- 0023
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-jazz funeral)

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BACKGROUND: Subject was identified during a New Orleans streetcar breakdown when she climbed onto the roof with her saxophone and turned a transportation disaster into an impromptu six-block conga line parade. Surveillance footage shows her 47-minute performance not only calmed agitated tourists but caused three marriage proposals and convinced one visitor to abandon his flight home to "find his jazz destiny." Agency recruitment teams immediately classified her as a "Category 5 Mood Manipulator" and extracted her before she accidentally became a permanent tourist attraction.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Can transform urban disasters into street festivals using only a saxophone and supernatural charisma. Demonstrates ninja-level crowd navigation while maintaining perfect embouchure and strategic emotional manipulation through musical selection.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Vintage tenor saxophone nicknamed "Sweet Devastation" and a portable amplifier disguised as vintage luggage. Emergency backup harmonica for stealth seduction operations.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Has mastered musical crowd control and sonic emotion manipulation. Current challenge: resisting the urge to add dramatic sax solos to routine surveillance missions.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Possesses predatory instincts for reading crowd dynamics and exploiting them through strategic musical intervention. Compulsively turns mundane moments into cinematic experiences. Recruitment response: "Do I get hazard pay for emotional devastation caused by my ballads?"

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Urban crowd control, civilian morale operations, and covert influence campaigns disguised as street performances.

AGENT CODENAME: Medusa- 008
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-whale conversation)

 

​BACKGROUND: Subject was discovered coordinating a pod of humpback whales to form a protective barrier against 12-foot storm swells while performing a hypnotic underwater dance that kept the massive creatures calm during a Category 2 hurricane. When extraction agents arrived, she seamlessly transitioned her emergency choreography into what witnesses described as a "sultry sea goddess victory dance," maintaining supernatural grace and mysterious allure despite the raging storm conditions around her.

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SPECIAL SKILLS: Can seduce both marine mammals and Coast Guard personnel into perfect formation dancing during natural disasters, possesses the supernatural ability to make treading water look like exotic choreography, and somehow maintains perfectly tousled hair and smudged eyeliner that only enhances her mysterious allure even after surviving hurricanes.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Hypnotic waterproof mascara that entrances anyone making eye contact, enchanted conch shells that broadcast seductive commands across ocean basins, and bioluminescent jewelry that puts both sharks and sailors into compliant trances.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Has mastered hypnotic underwater choreography and can now entrance entire naval fleets with a single pirouette. Current challenge: learning to stop instinctively treating every debriefing meeting like an interpretive dance performance after accidentally hypnotizing her commanding officer into believing he was a dolphin for three hours.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Deep emotional connection to ocean ecosystems combined with compulsive need to turn underwater encounters into musical theater. Shows mild claustrophobia on dry land. Recruitment response: "Can I bring my whale friends to the Christmas party?"

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Maritime operations, underwater reconnaissance, and coastal infiltration requiring marine life cooperation.

AGENT CODENAME: Flo- 000
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit

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​BACKGROUND: Subject was scouted during a midnight festival when a rogue confetti cannon accidentally fired, showering her in glitter mid-spin. She seamlessly turned it into a sultry freestyle with glowing poi fans, winking at the crowd as if the glitter was part of the act. After recruitment, her outfit transformed into a flowing ghost costume, and she floated into a mesmerizing dance, trailing sparks and shimmering light that left everyone dazzled and slightly spooked.

 

​SPECIAL SKILLS: Can hypnotize crowds with flowing ghostly spins while wielding glowing poi fans. Turns accidental confetti, sparks, or rogue light effects into seductive choreography. Able to float, twirl, and spin with supernatural grace, creating dazzling displays that mesmerize and slightly terrify onlookers.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Relies on her glowing poi fans for both dance and dramatic flair. Ghost costume doubles as stealthy disguise and flowing stage prop. Spark-emitting confetti and glitter vials reserved for emergency dazzle or morale boosts.

TRAINING PROGRESS: Excels at turning accidental chaos—like rogue confetti, flying sparks, or startled squirrels—into mesmerizing dance routines. Can improvise sultry choreography mid-mission while floating or spinning with supernatural grace. Current challenge: resisting the urge to add extra ghostly twirls every time someone claps.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Thrives on chaos and transforms minor accidents into spectacular, hypnotic performances. Highly responsive to dramatic lighting, applause, or unexpected spark showers. Calm under pressure yet playful, with a tendency to turn every mission into a floating, flirtatious spectacle. Recruitment response: “Do I get extra glitter if I join?”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to high-chaos environments to dazzle, distract, and mesmerize with glowing poi fan routines. Use ghostly choreography to create controlled spectacle, boost morale, or obscure agent movements. Secondary objectives include impromptu light shows, dramatic twirls, and occasional accidental confetti showers.

AGENT CODENAME: Glinda- 0011
REAL NAME: [REDACTED] 
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-frost spell)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was first observed attempting to calm a flock of overly aggressive pigeons with hand gestures and whispered affirmations in a city park. When a sudden gust of wind sent umbrellas, newspapers, and nearby frisbees flying, she instinctively wove them into an improvised dance, turning chaos into an oddly hypnotic spectacle. Scouts moved in immediately upon witnessing her flawless recovery, at which point she transformed into a radiant white witch and launched into a dazzling, twirling snow-dust dance that left pigeons, passersby, and agents equally mesmerized.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Can manipulate minor weather effects—snow, frost, or glittering dust—while performing hypnotic, seductive dance routines. Turns everyday objects into props for mesmerizing choreography. Capable of charming animals, civilians, and slightly distracted agents simultaneously with a single hand flourish and sultry spin.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Favors a flowing white gown that doubles as both costume and camouflage. Uses enchanted wand or staff as dance prop and magical amplifier. Snow-dust vials and glitter sachets reserved for dramatic flair or morale boosts.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Excels at turning environmental hazards—gusts of wind, stray birds, and falling leaves—into stage-worthy performances. Successfully improvised a full tactical routine using park benches and pigeon distractions during exercises. Current challenge: avoiding spontaneous twirling during serious debriefings.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Thrives on controlled chaos and spontaneous displays of magic. Playful, confident, and flirtatious without being arrogant. Can improvise creative solutions under pressure, often blending grace, allure, and just a touch of theatrical mischief. Recruitment response: “Do I get to keep the snow?”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to high-chaos or public environments to neutralize disorder with hypnotic white-magic choreography. Secondary objectives include morale boosts, environmental control through minor frost effects, and occasional dramatic performances that distract targets or confuse civilians.

AGENT CODENAME: Hellflame – 0666.66
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted Halloween night)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was first identified during Halloween festivities at [Redacted] when scouts detected a surge of heat and flickering red light in her vicinity. Upon receiving her License, she shed her mortal disguise and transformed into a commanding Devil Queen—horns crowned in fire, tail curling with menace, and clad in infernal red that shimmered like molten embers. Her first act was to drag her heel across the pavement, splitting it open with a line of glowing sparks, before declaring: “Let’s turn up the heat.” Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Instills fear and awe with fiery presence. Summons hellfire at will, ignites weapons and environments for psychological and tactical advantage. Skilled in temptation tactics, able to sway enemies with charm before engulfing them in flame.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Trident forged of obsidian and fire. Infernal whip crackles with molten energy. Horns act as natural conduits for channeling flame.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Strong command of fire-based abilities, though occasional collateral damage includes scorched terrain and overcooked rations.

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Fierce, theatrical, and revels in chaos. Motivated by power and spectacle. Recruitment response: “Sign here… in blood.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to high-intimidation zones requiring overwhelming presence and elemental destruction. Secondary role: morale-shattering symbol of unstoppable infernal might.

AGENT CODENAME: Wild Mane – 0030
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-stable check)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was scouted on Halloween evening while training yearlings at [Redacted] Stables. Scouts observed her commanding a restless stallion with nothing but a whistle and a sideways glare—then breaking into a smooth trot of her own to demonstrate rhythm. Upon receiving her License, she dropped the reins, tipped her hat, and transformed into a sexy cowgirl, complete with sequined chaps, rhinestone lasso, and boots that lit up on impact. The stable immediately erupted into a line-dance rodeo rave, with horses stomping in time to the bass. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Expert in animal handling, crowd herding, and dance-floor wrangling. Can tame both wild mustangs and wild partygoers. Knows how to crack a whip for emphasis or rhythm. Capable of transforming simple square-dance moves into hypnotic spectacle.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Rhinestone lasso doubles as both crowd-control tool and LED rope light. Hat conceals strobe emitter. Spurs re-engineered as mini smoke machines. Saddle bags contain portable sound rig.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Adapts well to structured drills, excels in choreography that mirrors equestrian routines. Still attempts to feed recruits sugar cubes mid-mission. Developing controlled whip-crack percussion for tactical beat drops.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Confident, commanding, with a playful wild streak. Strong sense of loyalty, thrives when given a crowd—or herd—to lead. Recruitment response: “Y’all ready for a hoe-down throw-down?”

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to chaotic environments needing crowd wrangling, morale-boosting spectacle, or tactical rodeo energy. Secondary role includes animal-assisted diversion ops and controlled party stampedes.

AGENT CODENAME: Velvet Guillotine – 0012.9
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted Halloween night)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was identified at [Redacted] Estate while quietly polishing silverware on Halloween. Scouts observed her poise and meticulous attention to detail, but true potential revealed itself when her License was issued. In an instant, her uniform shimmered into silk brocade, powdered wig towering high above her head, jeweled fan snapping open with authority. She had transformed into a commanding Marie Antoinette figure—radiant, decadent, and dangerously dismissive. With a single clap of her lace-gloved hands, servants and guests alike froze in awe. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Master of dramatic entrances and aristocratic command. Can disarm or manipulate crowds with elegance and dismissive wit. Uses decadence as a weapon—turning excess, opulence, and flair into psychological domination. Known to silence opposition with nothing more than a raised fan.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Jeweled fan doubles as razor-edged blade. Gilded wig pins convert into throwing needles. Cake trays repurposed as polished shields.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Excels at commanding attention and theatrics. Prone to excessive luxury demands mid-operation (requests silk gloves, champagne).

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Regal, imperious, and thrives on pageantry. Treats combat as another form of courtly drama. Recruitment response: “If they can’t follow… let them fall.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy for high-profile infiltrations and psychological warfare requiring aristocratic dominance, theatrical distraction, or morale-shattering spectacle.

AGENT CODENAME: Emerald Hex – 0038:42
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted Halloween night)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was observed working late at [Redacted] Café on Halloween, effortlessly brewing lattes and crafting foam art that looked suspiciously like arcane sigils. When issued her License, she cast aside her apron and instantly transformed into a green-skinned Witch—wide-brimmed hat casting shadow, cloak swirling with smoke, eyes glowing like cauldrons aflame. Her first act was to swirl her hand above the espresso machine, turning it into a bubbling cauldron that hissed with enchanted steam. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Expert at potion-brewing and spellcasting under pressure. Can conjure hexes as easily as pouring drip coffee. Known for enchanting everyday items—cups become crystal orbs, steam transforms into smoke screens. Wields charm and menace in equal measure.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Broomstick retrofitted for high-speed pursuit. Cauldron doubles as explosive device or protective shield. Hat enchanted with bottomless storage.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Exceptional progress in elemental magic and improvisation. Occasionally overloads environments with too much fog when trying to be “mysterious.”

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Wickedly clever, playful yet dangerous. Balances humor with menace, delights in theatrics. Recruitment response: “Double, double, mission trouble.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to environments requiring spellcraft, fear tactics, and spectacle. Secondary role: brewing morale potions for the squad.

AGENT CODENAME: ChromeDoll – 0044:19
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted Halloween night)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was discovered at [Redacted] Nail Spa during peak Halloween rush. Scouts reported her precision and mechanical rhythm, filing and polishing with inhuman consistency. Upon receiving her License, she shed her apron and metamorphosed into a dazzling Fembot—chrome skin gleaming, neon lashes pulsing, circuitry whirring beneath flawless curves. Her first act was to fire a beam of ultraviolet light from her eyes, curing an entire rack of gel polish in seconds. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Combines mechanical precision with glamour. Equipped with retractable manicure drills that double as laser cutters. Able to process and execute multiple beauty treatments—or combat maneuvers—simultaneously. Generates hypnotic beats from an internal speaker system to disorient opponents.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Diamond-tipped claws for lockpicking and combat. Hair rollers conceal smoke grenades. Holographic nail polish doubles as a blinding flash device.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Near-perfect control of motor functions; can execute flawless routines at superhuman speed. Occasional software glitch leads to involuntary “beauty tutorial mode” mid-operation.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Glamorous, playful, and unnervingly precise. Enjoys blending seduction with intimidation. Recruitment response: “Behold… the future of fashion warfare.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to urban infiltrations, high-profile distractions, and missions requiring style as much as firepower. Secondary use: morale-boosting beauty enhancements for fellow agents.

AGENT CODENAME: Monarch – 005959
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-diner shift)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was first identified Halloween night while balancing six plates of pancakes, three pots of coffee, and a birthday cake covered in sparklers. Scouts noted her impossible grace—gliding between tables as if guided by invisible currents. Upon receiving her License, she set down her tray, twirled once beneath the neon OPEN sign, and emerged as a radiant butterfly operative, wings shimmering with iridescent patterns that bent light like stained glass. Customers dropped forks in awe. Recruitment was instant.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Moves with unmatched fluidity and balance. Can distract targets with hypnotic wing displays while delivering strikes too fast for the eye to follow. Naturally blends into crowded spaces, turning background flutter into sudden, dazzling action.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Wing scales deploy as reflective chaff. Tray transforms into shield or glider. Apron doubles as a concealed net for capture ops.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Excels at aerial maneuvers and rapid evasions. Still learning to resist perching dramatically on any available surface light source.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Gentle but unpredictable; thrives under attention and adapts quickly to chaotic environments. Recruitment response: “Guess I finally earned my tips.”

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Ideal for infiltration, crowd control, and morale-boosting spectacle. Deploy when missions require grace, misdirection, and luminous chaos.

AGENT CODENAME: Thornveil – 0016
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-dusting rotation)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was discovered on Halloween night while meticulously scrubbing chandeliers in [Redacted] Estate. Scouts reported she worked with such intensity that cobwebs seemed to retreat before her. Mid-recruitment, she set aside her feather duster, straightened her posture, and transformed into a towering Maleficent-like figure, crowned in sweeping horns and cloaked in shadowed elegance. The vacuum cord coiled around her like a serpent, and a single glare silenced the entire household staff. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Master of commanding presence and dramatic entrances. Turns ordinary cleaning implements into fearsome extensions of power—feather dusters become whips of shadow, spray bottles emit corrosive mists. Known to summon intimidation by arching a single eyebrow.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Mop staff re-forged as enchanted scepter. Cleaning gloves double as flame-proof gauntlets. Polished mirrors act as divination portals.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Remarkable progress in channeling dark elegance without shattering light fixtures. Occasionally pauses mid-mission to critique interior décor.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Regal, meticulous, and driven by perfection. Finds equal satisfaction in vanquishing enemies or spotless surfaces. Recruitment response: “Finally… power to match my standards.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to missions requiring intimidation, theatrical dominance, and absolute control of chaotic environments. Secondary use: morale-shattering entrances.

AGENT CODENAME: Frostveil – 00666.6
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-slope patrol)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was identified on Halloween evening during routine oversight of ski lifts. Scouts reported that the mountain winds seemed to bend toward her, snowflakes crystallizing midair around her silhouette. Upon receiving her License, she shed her resort jacket and transformed into a resplendent Snow Queen—crowned in ice, cloaked in glittering frost, and leaving trails of frostbite shimmer with every step. Guests mistook the event for a resort light show until the temperature dropped twenty degrees in seconds. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Can summon ice storms and sculpt barriers of frozen glass. Uses blizzards for cover and intimidation. Freezes enemies mid-movement while gliding effortlessly across icy terrain. Known to weaponize icicles with sniper-like precision.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Scepter of carved permafrost (formerly a ski pole). Crystal crown doubles as a focus for large-scale frost magic. Cape woven from snowmelt vapor provides camouflage.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Exceptional command of cold-based abilities. Still adjusting to avoid accidentally flash-freezing teammates’ beverages.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Regal, aloof, and quietly devastating. Finds serenity in silence and frost. Recruitment response: “Let them shiver.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy to arctic environments, containment ops, and intimidation-heavy scenarios requiring both spectacle and elemental force.

AGENT CODENAME: Centerstage – 0055:74
REAL NAME: [REDACTED]
OPERATIONAL STATUS: Active Recruit (Extracted mid-zoo exhibition)

 

BACKGROUND: Subject was first observed at [Redacted] Zoological Park on Halloween evening while orchestrating the nightly animal feeding show. Scouts noted her booming voice and commanding presence—lions sat, parrots bowed, and even the meerkats applauded on cue. When presented with her License, she doffed her keeper’s cap and instantly transformed into a dazzling Ringmaster, clad in a crimson tailcoat, high boots, and a top hat gleaming with firelight. With a snap of her whip, the elephants trumpeted in harmony, and the crowd erupted in cheers. Recruitment was immediate.

 

SPECIAL SKILLS: Master of spectacle and crowd control. Commands attention and obedience with a single gesture or crack of her whip. Can coordinate chaotic situations into seamless performances. Adept at blending showmanship with tactical intimidation.

 

EQUIPMENT PREFERENCES: Whip doubles as both crowd-control tool and precision weapon. Top hat conceals signal flares and smoke bombs. Microphone cane amplifies her voice into a thunderous command.

 

TRAINING PROGRESS: Exceptional progress in adapting performance energy to combat scenarios. Tends to add dramatic fanfare even in stealth operations.

 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Bold, theatrical, and thrives under the spotlight. Sees every mission as an act in a grand performance. Recruitment response: “Ladies and gentlemen… prepare to be amazed.”

 

PROPOSED ASSIGNMENT: Deploy for missions requiring spectacle, crowd manipulation, or rapid organization of chaotic environments. Secondary assignment: morale-boosting ringmaster of any operation’s “center ring.”